It's not like this grease stain on my restaurant table looks exactly like a fossilized fish or anything. I mean I really don't care at all.  LIFE = One minute your sitting alone at the restaurant table while your parents are in the bathroom, and your thinking how much I HAVE always liked the lumber yard, and that I DO love the L word, and the next minute BOOM!!!! Julie Andrews is laughing at you from the table next to you. It's a crazy world out there guys.  I mean its not like Magnus Carlsen is boring to look at, he just has trouble with the English.

 

Little man? Nephilim? A more manly version of Tweety Bird?..Ok?!! So do you get it now mother? I would die for this animal. I would die for this animal. I would die for this animal. I came across the little hulk, doing my wifely duties to myself when I was dusting up the wazoo.  Who knew that such a concentration of dust and lent in my garage would form such a Tasmanian little gift. .  Its kind of hard to calm down when I find this little avatar after I was going through a stage of centaurs and UFO's...whatever that means...Its like: call me old fashioned, but I saw something and I said something.  Its like, "Aloha, Aloha, suckers". Its like "Well I never really did like the name Geraldine." Fedora. Stoop. Moonshine.

Butterfingers!!! Look what happens to me when I drop necklaces...they transform in to the shape of a man with a beard.  This is not a joke you guys OK, he even has a small nose piercing ta boot!! Its like who is the dream and who is the dreamer??!!!  After this incident, I decided to sell the necklace to one of my brothers friends. I figured that after this, it could not live up to anything I expected of it. "Thank you ye old bejewelled necklace, and I honor thee for thine bounty on this fall harvest." He looks like such a pleasant man.  Maybe once cocky turned appreciative after the accident...like Christopher Reeve.  Oh and quick plug: Stephen Hawking makeovers tonight. my place. the woods. cash only.

Kitty litter umbrella...First I would like to say that I am really sorry about this, and the process of uploading this photo was embarassing and humiliating.   I know that this image is disturbing and discusting, but I though when the opportunity presented itself...why not go there.  This was such an amazing find, for it looks very much like Riana's Umbrella Ella Ella. When I look at this tiny little wee wee it means everything.  Im going to pretend like I am not the only one in the universe who takes a look at a cat's litter box and tries to determine hidden messages.  I am just a nightmare trying to make her way ok!!!  Dont you pretend like your cat litter is too good for the rest of us to see. Actually I know for a fact that when you look down at your cat's litter, you see a constellation, or for that matter the outline of Martha Stewarts face...please. Yea thats right.

Remember that Game Two Truths and a Lie???

1)When my mom found this she said, "Connor!!!! What the fuck??!!"

2) I keep my Cat's  litter box pretty clean.

3) I am a normal well adjusted person....

OK NOW GUESS!!!!

           Old man smoking a long cigar...also wearing an ear warmer and or hat.  Yes, I realize that this photo requires a 90 degree rotation of the head and neck to get the right angle, but Im sure you get the idea.  I came across this little old man when I was eating his internal organs while watching Goodfellas...and it is quite normal to eat blood oranges while watching Robert De Niro work his way up through mob hierarchy...It did take me my surprise that this artistic view of my orange scraps was taken on a quite lovely table with a floral pattern. I dont know how this happened but all I have to say is...yes, I am Banksy.  Pause for reaction.